DISCOVER
Wellness
&
Resliency
Take a Self-compassion Break!
Quiet That Inner Critic!
Recently, in my interactions with others, I’ve noticed that we can be really hard on ourselves when things don’t go how we expected or, more common these days, there are too many holes to fix all by ourselves.
Quiet That Inner Critic!
Recently, in my interactions with others, I’ve noticed that we can be really hard on ourselves when things don’t go how we expected or, more common these days, there are too many holes to fix all by ourselves. One strategy I like to use when something doesn’t go as well as I had liked is the Self-compassion Break created by professor and researcher Kirstin Neff. It involves some mindfulness (paying attention to how you feel now), connecting with common humanity (knowing you’re not the only one in the world feeling this way), and offering yourself compassion as you would to a good friend.
Practicing Self-Compassion:
Here’s how it goes:
Think of a current challenging situation that didn’t go well. Then imagine you talking to yourself like you would say to a good friend.
Cross your arms or place a hand on your heart (strengthens the mind-body connection)
Then say to yourself something like:
1. This is hard (or this really hurts... is stressful - whatever you feel). Use your own words.
Then say to yourself:
2. Everyone goes through challenges. It is a part of life. (Think of all the people who are struggling just like you.)
Then say to yourself something you might say to a good friend like:
3. May I be ....kind to myself or … be patient or may I accept myself as I am.... whatever you feel you need at the moment. Any comforting thing you might say to a friend in a similar situation is just right!
The Benefits of Being Kind to Yourself:
Practicing self-compassion: improves our well-being, increases the chances of trying new things, reduces fear of failure, helps combat perfectionism and rumination, improves cortisol levels and increase heart rate variability, helps us cope better with chronic pain, reduces the tendency towards anxiety and depression! 😅
Like all the tools for resilience, it’s one to practice regularly and keep on hand in your back pocket!
Try it out, and let me know how it goes!
Wondering how coaching can help you? Email info@salimashamji.com to schedule a discovery call.
New to Leadership?
8 Strategies to Help You Navigate With Confidence
Leaders, like captains, steer a ship, crew and all, towards a future vision or destination. Leading well through the waves of uncertainty, volatility and complexity, is difficult. For first-time leaders, the challenge is even pronounced. There's so much that you don't know. You feel you have so much to prove. All the skills that landed you here may not be enough for this role. It's very much like being a parent for the first time: there's no recipe book to tell you what to do and how to do it well.
8 Strategies to Help You Navigate With Confidence
Leaders, like captains, steer a ship, crew and all, towards a future vision or destination. Leading well through the waves of uncertainty, volatility and complexity, is difficult. For first-time leaders, the challenge is even more pronounced. There's so much that you don't know. You feel you have so much to prove. All the skills that landed you here may not be enough for this role. It's very much like being a parent for the first time: there's no recipe book to tell you what to do and how to do it well.
I remember this feeling well. In my first role in leadership, over a decade ago, I was overwhelmed. I was the medical director of a program that was on the edge of change - big change. There were so many things going on simultaneously: the program was expanding, the space was limited, there was planning for renovation, the staffing needed to increase, the budget was limited, and it seemed like everyone wanted answers. All decisions felt urgent. It seemed that everyone wanted to influence my decisions and wanted me to do things a certain way. Looking back, I wish I'd had some key pieces of advice to help me get through those first few months to establish my core values, the meaning I brought to the role and my cadence. With that in mind, I've collected seven strategies to help new leaders start with confidence.
1. Define your leadership principles:
Your values and purpose establish the principles that help to guide your decisions and actions. Without them, you don't know what you stand for, are more likely to be reactive and swayed by many. This behaviour can appear as a lack of consistency or commitment and can confuse your team. Guiding principles help you define who you are and how you want to approach situations as they arise. What are the fundamental values from which you want to lead? Trust? Integrity? Optimism? Service? What does this role mean to you? What's the greater purpose? Answering these questions can help you lead with more clarity. Bob Iger, the former CEO of Disney, writes about the many principles that helped guide his leadership and rise from his first position at ABC to the CEO of Disney in his book "The Ride of a Lifetime." For example, he felt it was essential to lead with courage and writes: "Don't be in the business of playing it safe. Be in the business of creating possibilities for greatness." He also valued optimism, fairness and integrity. So ask yourself what top three values are essential to you? What do you stand for? Consider putting them on a sticky note and let those be the filters for your decision-making.
2. Understand who your stakeholders are and what they expect:
The other challenge I had in my role was understanding how all the stakeholders were impacted by my position. I didn't make an intentional effort to understand but learned on the go. The default can be to focus on our direct reports, our boss and our department. We may not consider all those influenced by our role from customers to other departments. What if I had intentionally taken time to get to know and listen to the issues at the level of service delivery? In medicine, leaders are often still part of the service delivery and may assume they know the problems. The truth is, we only know our role. This issue reminds me of a recent talk I attended by Hubert Joly. In his first month of taking over as CEO of Best Buy, I appreciated that he spent the first few weeks on the floor with the employees. He listened to them, learned what was going well and what wasn't going well and asked for help to understand what might make things better. With this knowledge, he was able to decide on required changes in the supply chain that helped the company's cost structure. Understanding stakeholders' expectations and challenges enables you to see the fuller impact of your decisions and may even help you discover novel solutions.
3. Ask for help:
I think as leaders, we often think we have to have all the answers. In reality, great leaders are the ones that inspire others to do great work towards a shared vision. They don't have all the answers. They do know how to leverage the knowledge and experience of those around them towards that vision. Hubert Jolly also writes about the benefit he received from coaching, reflecting that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a tool to help one get better. He compares leadership to elite athletes who still have coaches to help them improve. Asking for help was also echoed during my interview with Lisa Diane Kastner, Founder and Executive Editor of Running Wild Press. After our conversation, she had a meeting scheduled with her coach. She expressed that "It's OK to be terrified!" As leaders and particularly as founders, you are breaking new ground. You can't always know the answers. She also suggests surrounding yourself with others in similar roles you admire to build a support system of mentors and colleagues. Asking for help can elevate your leadership game to the next level.
“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.”
4. Define your vision and key priorities:
As a coach, I often see leaders have too many "priorities," making building a clear strategy and staying aligned to it more challenging. A key for successful leadership is defining what you will focus on to allow for a clear path to that destination. Priorities are another area that Bob Iger empathized. As he was interviewing for the CEO position, he realized that he needed to have a few (not many) priorities and a clear strategy. He clarified that his priorities for Disney were to "invest in creativity," "embrace technology," and "grow globally." This set the stage for how Disney would do business.
5. Create a culture of engagement:
Another consideration for leaders is to create an environment that fosters engagement and creativity. First-time leaders move from positions where they have managed every aspect of their work to one where they need to learn to let go of the reins. As Daniel Pink points out in his book "Drive", people are not motivated by micromanaging. They are inspired by autonomy: a sense of ownership over their work, mastery: the ability to excel at what they do, and purpose: the meaning they have for their work. Letting go of the reins to enable employees to do this can feel uncomfortable when you are used to achieving results by controlling everything. Micromanaging is something that many leaders fail to acknowledge in an attempt to create a specific outcome. Over-managing also becomes an issue during chaos and uncertainty when used to create a sense of control. Yet, this coping strategy results in a disengaged team that is less effective at achieving the ultimate goal. You have a team that is good at what they do. Let them do it.
6. Communicate effectively: listen more and set an intention:
I was fortunate enough to connect with Daniel Pink recently and asked him what advice he would give to first-time leaders. He said: "Talk less, listen more. Most leaders stink at listening. For the great ones, it's their superpower." He also added: "Assume positive intent. Start with the assumption that people are decent and hardworking rather than the reverse. That won't always be true — but it will be true a lot — and it will make you more effective." I think this highlights the foundation of good communication, especially when things are not going well. It's easy to jump to conclusions and react when things are moving quickly in times of chaos. By slowing down, assuming positive intentions, asking questions to understand the situation, and then really listening, we are more likely to see opportunities for improvement and creative solutions.
7. Develop peer relationships:
During chaotic times, leaders often need peer support, yet they have usually focused on the relationships above and below without giving much thought to their peer relationships. I recently connected with Greg McKeown, author of "Effortless" and "Essentialism," who said the "most common mistake in the first 30 days is not investing in your peer relationships. New managers focus on their new boss and their new team members but forget their peers. A little investment there can go a long way." The importance of this was echoed in my conversation by Liane Davey, author of "The Good Fight," who noted that leaders often wait until a crisis to reach out to peers or horizontal relationships. "Don't wait until you're thirsty to dig a well," she warned. It's essential to build that relationship and trust with your peers from the start. Cultivating these horizontal relationships with other departments helps you understand your role in the larger company and enables you to seek support, resources and gain different perspectives that may not otherwise be available to you.
8. Prioritize and plan your time wisely:
Liane brought up another area that leaders neglect, and that is prioritizing your time. I recall all the balls I was juggling as a new leader, and Liane reminds us that "all the balls aren't glass… some are plastic." It is crucial to identify your priorities to not react to each with the same urgent nature, resources and time. Liane also notes that leaders often know what is required to stay resilient but don't make time for it. Leaders need resilience to lead with "courage, patience and empathy," she says. As Stephen Covey has said, it's important to schedule the "big rocks" in your week so you have time for them, and they are not an afterthought. Liane and I also discussed that this means scheduling in time to plan and think. At least some part of your week needs to be ring-fenced for reflection, thinking, strategizing. Prioritizing my time better is something I wish I had done 12 years ago in my new role!
As a new leader, there is a lot to learn to be successful and effective. These building blocks will provide a great foundation to help first-time leaders navigate through rough waters with more confidence in those first few months.
Wondering how coaching can help you? Email info@salimashamji.com to schedule a discovery call.
Preventing Burnout - Part 2 : What's the Organization's Role?
Self-Care Is Only Part of the Story
The first article on burnout focussed on practical strategies each individual can do to help keep themselves healthy. However, just like the COVID vaccine is only part of the equation in preventing COVID, strategies on keeping yourself healthy are also just part of the equation for preventing burnout. The second part is the role that workplaces and leaders play.
Self-Care Is Only Part of the Story
As I wrote my first article on burnout, I was also working with my team to determine strategies to help our work environment be healthier. The first article on burnout focussed on what each individual can do to help keep themselves healthy. However, just as the COVID vaccine is only part of the equation to prevent COVID, keeping yourself healthy is also just part of the equation for preventing burnout. The second part is the role of workplaces and leaders.
In my role as a physician, a professor, a volunteer leader, and a coach, I get to experience and observe how organizations, leaders and individuals manage burnout. What I have observed is that organizations are trying to create healthy environments through wellness champions and online programs. I'm hearing that when individuals are stressed, the last thing they want to do is log in to a website and weed through many resources to try and find what might work for them. I'm also hearing that this is not enough for many who are already implementing strategies (such as the 3x3s) to keep themselves healthy. There is an onus on employers.
Organizations and leaders need to implement systemwide changes to help prevent burnout. The best place to start is a conversation with staff to determine the root cause and to keep workplaces healthy. One solution will not work for every organization.
Common Workplace Stressors
“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.”
Uncertainty
Priorities will vary from organization to organization. Leaders need to examine many areas with thoughtfulness and compassion. Uncertainty of the future is a key area that can result in a lot of workplace stress. What helps mitigate this is clear and frequent communication. What strategies will be implemented, and why? What changes are expected in the workplace and why? Finally, reminding employees of the vision and values of the organization is vital. As Simon Sinek has said, "Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion." Connecting to a shared vision and mission can help drive engagement and buffer stress.
Workload: Is the workload manageable? What would help it to be more manageable? Sometimes leaders need to help their staff develop clear priorities and give permission to say 'no' to a new project.
Lack of recognition: How are employees recognized for showing up and for the work they do? No one likes to feel taken for granted, nor do they want to receive an acknowledgement that's not genuine. Feeling valued adds to a sense of belonging and less stress. Research show that even in settings like the emergency room, where burnout rates are high and recognition may not seem to matter, appreciation buffers stress.
Environment: Is the physical environment safe and comfortable? Are appropriate resources and equipment available to do the job required? Excess noise, poor lighting, poor temperature control, poorly set up workstations, insufficient tools and technology contribute to physical and emotional stress.
Relationships: Is there psychological safety to voice concerns? How do the leaders model empathy? What policies and processes are in place to prevent and manage discrimination and unfair treatment?
Work-life balance: Are there clear boundaries established for work hours, including for those working from home? Do employees have a sense of autonomy (which Daniel Pink and others show is associated with more engagement and well-being)?
Begin the Conversation
Burnout was already deemed an occupational phenomenon before COVID by the World Health Organization and since COVID, several surveys show that the problem is just getting worse. For example, in the study by Deloitte, nearly 70 percent of professionals felt employers were not doing enough to prevent burnout within their organization.
Conversations need to happen, and hopefully, this article will encourage just that. —
Surveys:
Of “649 employed US workers on June 14, and 95% said that they were considering leaving their jobs.”
The 2021 Women in the Workplace
“A year and a half into the COVID-19 pandemic, women in corporate America are even more burned out than they were last year—and increasingly more so than men.”
“The consequences are real: Our analysis shows that employees who frequently experience work burnout are 63% more likely to take a sick day and 23% more likely to visit the emergency room.
Disclaimer: The content in this blog is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog or on this website.