Cultivate Happiness

Happiness

I recently learned of an excellent framework for looking at happiness, called the SPIRE, from Tal Ben-Shahar, author and educator. This model shows that happiness comes from many areas in our life. 

S- for spiritual, which can be purpose and meaning in life to religious connection. 

P- is related to our physical well-being, eating, sleeping, moving and the mind-body connection. 

I -refers to intellectual happiness, which comes from being curious and deep learning. 

R- is for relationship happiness and cultivating deep, meaningful relationships with others. For example, this is cultivated by connecting with loved ones or contributing meaningfully to a community. 

E- comes from emotional happiness, which involves being able to process negative emotions and cultivate positive ones, such as gratitude and kindness. 

This novel framework shows that happiness is a systems approach. We may not be great in all areas of the SPIRE model, but pretty good at some. However, if we want to increase our happiness overall, growing our happiness in one area will positively affect all others. For example, suppose we become better able to manage our emotions. In that case, we will also be more creative, open to learning new things and participate more positively in relationships. Yet, if we neglect any of these areas, it will negatively impact all the other aspects. So, for example, if we neglect our physical well-being, we are less likely to feel emotionally happy and want to participate in activities involving deep learning and curiosity. (This is something I see firsthand as a physician! 🤔)

Where are you thriving? Which areas do you need to cultivate?

How does this affect business and the workplace? 

Well, research has shown that happy people are more productive, creative and more likely to contribute, which ultimately impacts the bottom line! 🤔

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“Happiness is the joy you feel moving toward your potential”

— —Shawn Achor

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Wondering how coaching can help you? Email info@salimashamji.com to schedule a discovery call.

Lead with Intention and Purpose:

Make a Decision

How comfortable are you making decisions when you don’t have all the information? As challenging as this is, most of the time, we won’t have the whole picture and still need to decide what to do next. It helps to recognize that decisions are not based on certainty but on probability. As leaders, our role is to take the information available at the time and make the best-calculated guess we can. We look at the benefits and the costs associated with the decision. We look at possible risks and see how we can mitigate them. Then we decide and move ahead. The worse thing we can do is not make a decision and thus take no action. As a result, we not only become stagnant and don’t develop our decision-making muscles, but our team gets frustrated and stressed from lack of direction. The project loses traction.

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Redefine Failure:

Most often, the reason for not deciding is fear of failure. What if there is no failure? What if there are only two possibilities: the intended outcome (win!) or we learn and realize we need to pivot or adjust the strategy. This is an opportunity to re-evaluate, make changes and try again. That learning may be beneficial in many ways and point us in an even better direction. This is what builds experience.

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Decision-making Process:

Decisions don’t happen as automatically as we think they do. There is a process to making decisions. Sometimes this process occurs quickly in our mind, and other times it needs to be on paper, so we see things clearly. Crucial decisions often require the latter. Below is one process to consider:

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1. Take into account the outcome or result intended. This is key. Most focus on the problem and get stuck in a narrow focus. We open up our focus to see more possibilities by thinking of the result. We are also more likely to consider the stakeholders involved and affected.

2. Think of the situation as a challenge and not a problem. Reframing reduces stress, keeps us motivated and helps us think more clearly.

3. Stick to the facts, not the story. The story gets emotions involved, and this can cloud our thinking. Write down the facts without opinions or judgement.

4. Understand why you want this outcome. This step helps align the decision with our vision and purpose and helps keep us on track. This also keeps everyone motivated.

5. Define success. How will you know you were successful? Understanding how success is measured is key to staying focussed and on course.

6. What information/resources do you have or can you get to help make this decision?

7. What are your options, and what are the benefits and costs of each option? How significant are these to the outcome? By doing this part of the exercise, you gain a better perspective and can increase confidence in the decision. How can you reduce or eliminate the risk?

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“As you start to walk out on the way, the way appears.”

— —Rumi

Decide

Once you have this clarity, then decide on the best option and create a plan to carry it out. Course correct as you go and keep your focus on the outcome.

The more you do this process, the more innate it becomes. For minor decisions, the process might all happen in your head. For significant decisions, use paper to capture these steps.

A structure to your decision-making process will help you lead  and live with intention and purpose.

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Wondering how coaching can help you? Email info@salimashamji.com to schedule a discovery call.

Take a Self-compassion Break!

Quiet That Inner Critic!

Recently, in my interactions with others, I’ve noticed that we can be really hard on ourselves when things don’t go how we expected or, more common these days, there are too many holes to fix all by ourselves. One strategy I like to use when something doesn’t go as well as I  had liked is the Self-compassion Break created by professor and researcher Kirstin Neff. It involves some mindfulness (paying attention to how you feel now), connecting with common humanity (knowing you’re not the only one in the world feeling this way), and offering yourself compassion as you would to a good friend. 

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Practicing Self-Compassion:

Here’s how it goes:

Think of a current challenging situation that didn’t go well. Then imagine you talking to yourself like you would say to a good friend. 

Cross your arms or place a hand on your heart (strengthens the mind-body connection)

Then say to yourself something like:

1. This is hard (or this really hurts... is stressful - whatever you feel). Use your own words.

Then say to yourself:

2. Everyone goes through challenges. It is a part of life. (Think of all the people who are struggling just like you.)

 Then  say to yourself something you might say to a good friend like:

3. May I be ....kind to myself or … be patient or may I accept myself as I am.... whatever you feel you need at the moment. Any comforting thing you might say to a friend in a similar situation is just right!

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The Benefits of Being Kind to Yourself:

Practicing self-compassion: improves our well-being, increases the chances of trying new things, reduces fear of failure, helps combat perfectionism and rumination, improves cortisol levels and increase heart rate variability, helps us cope better with chronic pain, reduces the tendency towards anxiety and depression! 😅

Like all the tools for resilience, it’s one to practice regularly and keep on hand in your back pocket! 

Try it out, and let me know how it goes!

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Wondering how coaching can help you? Email info@salimashamji.com to schedule a discovery call.