DISCOVER

Wellness
&
Resliency

Salima Shamji 11/26/20 Salima Shamji 11/26/20

THE POWER OF HAPPINESS

WHAT IF YOU COULD SPREAD HAPPINESS?

Turns out that happy people create more happy people, according to the Framingham Heart Study. Find out how powerful happiness is and ways to cultivate it in the blog below!

WHAT IF YOU COULD SPREAD HAPPINESS?

Turns out that happy people create more happy people, according to the Framingham Heart Study. This was a study that was started in 1948, initially to follow a group of people to look at heart disease. Over time they followed the second and third generations of the initial study group and have expanded to look at other factors and influences of health. Their results show that happiness is contagious to 3 degrees. So if you are happy, then your friend, their friend and their friend’s friend are more likely to be happy. In other words, your happiness has a ripple effect through your social network! Although we don’t really know how this works, there are many theories such as happy people treat others better or even a psychoneuroimmunological (say that 10 times fast!) change. A psychoneuroimmunological change just means the chemicals and hormones in your body might change. There are some limits, such as the distance we are from one another. However, someone who is happy will increase the chance of their friend becoming happy by 25%!

SHOW SOME KINDNESS AND SPREAD THE HAPPY

Hmmm. Well, we have heard it before: “obesity is contagious”, “smoking is contagious.” Parents have also heard that kids will do “as they see” and not “as they are told.” To me, that just shows the influence we have over people who are near to us. By working on our own health and wellbeing, we can have a ripple effect within our society. It’s also important to remember that this doesn’t mean we only focus on ourselves. Studies have also shown that acts of kindness boost our well-being while helping the recipient as well.

So, what will you do to SPREAD SOME HAPPINESS today?

HAPPINESS BOOSTING PRACTICES:

Try a little gratitude to boost your wellbeing! it!
Feel better with square breathing in just minutes!
Try this loving-kindness meditation to boost your happiness today

Trust

A Brilliant Tool to Articulate and Evaluate Trust.

Can I Trust You? What is trust? What does it mean to you? How do you gain the trust of others? How do you approach a situation where your trust is broken?

Gray, White and Black Quote Instagram Post.png

A Brilliant Tool to Articulate and Evaluate Trust.

Can I Trust You?

Who do you trust? John Gottman, known for his influential work on marital relationships and best selling book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” notes that trust is vital in healthy relationships and in communities in which we live and work. The level of trust can even predict the success of economies!

In the last few weeks, our family has had many discussions around boundaries and the value of trust. These are difficult concepts to articulate and even more challenging to measure. What is trust? What does it mean to you? How do you gain the trust of others? How do you approach a situation where your trust is broken? These questions were answered in my course in which we discussed trust and the work of Brené Brown.

Brené Brown, a research professor who studies human connection, is well known for her TED Talks on vulnerability and shame (links below). Her model of trust, called B.R.A.V.I.N.G, brilliantly collects at all the components of trust, making them not only specific but measurable, which in turn allows us to have those difficult conversations. This model’s specific language and measurable components can be used to evaluate trust in our relationships, both personal and professional. There is much research on the importance of trust in all relationships. It is considered a foundational value for thriving personally and professionally. Without trust, organizations lack engagement and poor culture, which can snowball and affect the bottom line. Trust is like a dance and takes two to make it work. Most can identify when trust has been broken, but few can articulate precisely what the issue was so that change can occur and be measured. That’s where BRAVING comes in. Read on and consider how much BRAVING you contribute to in all your relationships. Here is what BRAVING stand for:

Boundaries: This is about knowing and expressing our boundaries and knowing and respecting those of others. Boundaries and not the same as walls: boundaries can be negotiated and can change when both parties agree. Many people have difficulty upholding their boundaries. How many times have we said “yes” to please others?You’ve heard it before: “No” is a complete sentence! Our brain is continuously filtering out billions of bits of information. It only keeps what we think is essential. By diminishing our boundaries, we keep telling our minds that our choices and boundaries don’t matter!

““If you spend your life pleasing others, you spend your life.””

— Cheryl Richardson

Reliability: Do what you say and say what you do. Walk your talk! For me, this even means calling people when I say I will and showing up on time! It’s work in progress for me and something to which I am committed. It also means not to pretend I will do something just for a conversation like “We should have coffee together!” when I know that won’t happen. Reliability is also critical in organizations and reflected by their leadership. Being reliable means others can count on us.

Accountability: Means taking responsibility for our actions and making things “right” when we’ve messed up. To continue with the example above, when I show up late, I own that. It wasn’t the traffic or someone else’s fault. Sure, things happen, but then there’s a quick text or call to inform those counting on me that I will be late and why. Being late does not become a habit.

Vault: Confidentiality. Don’t share experiences that are not yours to share. Lookin’ at you, gossip! Confidentiality can also be a significant issue in the workplace. Backdoor conversations and meetings that dwindle into complaints about others who are not there to defend themselves are examples of breaking the vault in the workplace. Sure, there are times when we are genuinely worried about someone who doesn’t seem to be seeking help, so we want to enlist the opinions or support of others. To me, the vault is analogous to addressing tattling with the kids. If one of them came to me, about to spill the goods on the other, I would stop them then ask: “Is this going to help or harm the other? If it’s the latter, I don’t want to hear it.”

Integrity: This is about doing the right thing. We know deep within us what that it. It’s often not the easy thing to do. It’s about COURAGE OVER COMFORT.

Non-Judgement: Our mind evaluates everything so that we can make sound decisions. Over time, many of those decisions become automatic when we are used to doing them regularly. Judgment, when it comes to people, can automatically result in a tendency to react. Mindfulness is a tool to help overcome judgment; It helps us to be aware that we are judging and not react to our judgments. When we find ourselves judging, it helps to take the time to check-in and ask: “Is this true? What is the evidence, and how reliable is that evidence?” Non-judgement is essential when others seek help or are struggling as we can judge them as weak or lesser-than. Think of it this way: knowing that we won’t be judged allows us to seek help when we need it. The same should be available to others.

Generosity is about seeing what happens through the lens of “everyone is trying to do their best.” It’s about showing kindness and recognizing that people are experiencing all kinds of challenges that affect their behaviour. It doesn’t make their behaviour right, but it makes us less reactive when we see it from a different lens.

Once you know this BRAVING model, conversations about trust are more specific and allow for measurable change. For example, when someone oversteps a boundary, let them know precisely what the problem is instead of just saying it’s about trust. Let’s say a colleague keeps asking you to work on projects, but then you end up doing all the work. Your boundary is that you are happy to collaborate as long as you both put in the work. Ideally, it would be great to make this expectation known at the start and not assume it is known. What if your colleague takes advantage of your work ethic and rides on your coattails every time? That breaks trust (particularly: boundaries, reliability and accountability) and will affect your relationship. Address this: “when you say we are going to work together, then I end up doing most of the work, that oversteps the boundaries collaboration, makes me feel like I cannot rely on you and I don’t feel you are accountable for your share of the work. To keep this relationship healthy, I will have to stop working on projects with you if this happens again. Or How do we work together to resolve this?” Of course, in real life, the responses vary based on your relationship and situation.

The most important thing I learned from BRAVING and discussions of trust is that I first have to build trust in myself. Am I keeping true to my boundaries? Am I judging myself when I need help? We first need to show up for ourselves, and then we can expect the same of others.

Check out these TEDTalks By Brené Brown

The Power of Vulnerability (Top 10 TED Talks of all time)

and

Listening to Shame TEDTalk

Know someone who could use a bit of stress relief? Share this post and spread some joy! ☺️

Learn more

References: More on John Gottman and trust in the workplace from Harvard Business Review.

Salima Shamji 5/7/20 Salima Shamji 5/7/20

Emotional Wellbeing

Managing the Emotional Ups and Downs of Staying at Home

Sometimes we all need a little more emotional support. Check out the many resources and strategies in blog below!

Managing the Emotional Ups and Downs of Staying at Home:

Sometimes we all need a little more emotional support. Feelings of loss over what was "normal life" and worry about what the future can bring a feeling of being unsafe. By now, many of us have likely circled through feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, grief and fear. Eventually, we will come to a place of acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean complacency but first not trying to "fight" with where you are now and just doing what you can to move forward. We can use our energy more productively and focus on what we can control, what options we have and even find gratitude in our preset. We can move forward, and we can balance out the negativity with some good. For example, if you hear many people are dying, remember that over 80% recover. If you read, “There's no cure," know that clinicians and researchers are looking at many treatment options, and some options are helpful already. Maybe we will find a vaccine or better treatment. These are all possibilities.

STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER:

When we face stress, it’s also helpful to know that we are not alone. There are many in the same or similar financial or health circumstances. It’s also important to recognize this when dealing with others so you can interact with compassion. If someone doesn’t return a call or is more irritable, remember they are also trying to manage and do the best they can.

To process a negative emotion, take the time to feel it and even label it. "This is sadness." Then breathe and sit with it for just 90 seconds to help the emotion to process and pass. It is also helpful to talk about your feelings with someone that supports you. However, set boundaries on how much negative talk you do. For example, you could spend 10 minutes each talking about challenges. Then use the rest of the time talking about something fun, something you appreciate or something you are looking forward to doing.

It’s equally important to carve out time to rest and restore! Now more than ever, breaks are essential. Just because you are home most of the time, it doesn't mean you don't take time to rest up. Take a walk outside, meditate, watch a funny video, have a cup of tea and breathe, take a short nap, read or sit and do nothing! There are many ways to nurture yourself. If you are not sure what to do, take a deep breath, focus on your heart, breathe and ask yourself, what do I need now? Let the answer float up from your heart centre, not your head.

Think about helping others or thanking them! Science has shown that helping others is a sure way to boost one's sense of well-being and lift your spirits. A study done by Alex Wood looked at the benefits of even writing a letter of gratitude to someone who you felt helped you in some way. By writing a letter a week for three weeks, students had better overall mental health than those who wrote about their troubles or the group that did no writing. The impressive thing was that students didn't even have to send the letter; they just wrote it!

MORE SUPPORT

Finally, there may be times when you recognize that you or someone else needs more support. So below are some resources that you may find helpful. These resources are not a substitute for medical attention from your family doctor or your therapist. Always make sure you speak to your health care professional for any serious situation.

RESOURCES:

Your Family Doctor or Therapist

Kidshelpphone.ca ages 5-20

Crisis Service Canada 1-833-456-4565

ONLINE RESOURCES:

What to Say When Helping a Friend: I really love these 5 GOLDEN RULES from bethere.org

INKBLOTTHERAPY.COM

Affordable online therapy and resources. Convenient mental health services in that they are all virtual video sessions, considerably more affordable with the first session free and confidential. Created by a family and emergency physician in Brantford, Ontario and a technology expert. It is an online format where you fill out a questionnaire to help find the right professional counsellor for you.

BOUNCEBACKONTARIO.CA

“BounceBack® is a free skill-building program managed by the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA). It is designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage low mood, mild to moderate depression and anxiety, stress or worry. Delivered over the phone with a coach and through online videos, you will get access to tools that will support you on your path to mental wellness. BounceBack® gives you access to materials and resources that can be customized to fit your needs. You will have access to workbooks, activities, videos, and a trained coach who can provide up to six telephone sessions.”

MINDYOURMIND.CA

A list of resources mental health in Canada and the US

VIRUSANXIETY.COM

Created by Shine is “an award-winning app and community that will help you struggle less with anxiety.”

HUDDLE.CARE

Video-based peer-based support group around COVID-19

COVID Self Care Resilience Guide

A self-care and resilience guide by Mental health First Aid Canada

REALCAMPUS.CA