How to Handle a Rough Day

The other day I had a really rough day. But I also had a medical student that I was teaching and I wanted to make sure that they were learning from each situation regardless of my own emotions. I made an effort to take advantage of each teachable moment so that my student had the most beneficial experience. In medicine, and I’m sure in many other work situations, you think you have to appear you have everything under control and nothing can phase you. At the end of the day I realized that I had forgotten to teach the most important lesson: how to deal with the rough day!

We all have them. Sometimes it feels like every interaction is challenging. It might feel like everything that can go wrong does go wrong. It can seem quite overwhelming.  So how do you deal with such a day?  Here are my tips and how I dealt with my day. 

1. Acknowledge that it’s been a rough day and know that you are not alone. We ALL experience these kinds of days. It’s part of being human. Then, take a moment to bring your hand to your heart (if it doesn’t feel weird - Ok even if it does, just do it- there’s much to be said about the mind-body connection) and say to yourself: “May I be strong. May I be kind to myself.“ Remind yourself that you did the best you could. There is great science behind the benefits of self-compassion and on a tough day, we need to be our own friend (inspired by Kristin Neff).

2. Breathe deeply for one minute. Repeat often. Whenever I could, I snuck in a minute of just breathing deeply and calmly and reminding myself that, right now, I am OK.

3. Get some fresh air and go for a walk as soon as you can. There is something amazing about being out in nature and the calming effects it brings. I took quick walk in the quiet, snowy evening.

4. Find someone to talk to. It doesn’t have to be anyone who will “solve the problem” just someone who will listen. I talked to my husband and my daughter. 🥰

5. Sit with the pain/ anger/frustration/sadness - not the story just the EMOTION, for 90 seconds and notice how that takes the sting away. Repeat often. This is magic. ✨

6. Look for things in your life for which you are grateful. There is always something you can appreciate. I appreciated leftovers for dinner so I didn’t have to cook & a warm cup of tea my daughter made for me. 💕

7. Watch a funny video or show. Laughter is a great way to lift mood. I know you’re thinking of a good video right now!😁

8. Take care of yourself. What can you do to nurture yourself? For me that meant a warm shower, then curling up with a good book and letting family handle the cleanup after dinner.

9. Journal - I wrote this! But write whatever comes to you. It’s amazing how this lightens the load and may shed a different perspective. Assume life is happening FOR you and not to you. What’s the lesson in this day?

10. Know that tomorrow is a fresh start. Life is about progress, not perfection. You cannot change the past but you can choose your next step. That is where the power lies! 🤜🏼

Know someone who’s had a rough day? Pass this on! 

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Disclaimer: The content in this blog is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog or on this website.

Why Bother with Gratitude?

Practicing Gratitude

Many years ago my family and I started a “daily” gratitude practice at dinner time.  We would talk about the 3 things that went well that day or that we really appreciated.  I used this practice as a tool to deal with the negativity from the challenges that I had been facing at work.  It ended up being a great practice that we have continued. 

Now, we haven’t always been together at dinner, nor in the same city for that matter and some days one of us would miss out on the conversation, but we have kept it going with the help of technology.  We now use our phones and have set up a family group chat for just these types of, what I call, “happiness practices.” Let’s face it, you can’t expect every day to be filled with joy and bliss - that’s not realistic or healthy. However, you can expect to have some degree of satisfaction and gratitude, no matter what is going on.  To feel more “happy,” which I define as a general state of wellbeing and satisfaction, we need to be active in practicing those states of being.  Just like you don’t expect to exercise once and be fit the rest of the year, “happiness practices,” whether mindfulness or gratitude or anything else that contributes to your overall wellbeing, need to be practiced regularly.

Gratitude Brings Balance to Life’s Negativity

Take the time to savour the small things.

Back to our family: Now we send each other texts, at least once a week, where we list 3 things that went well or that we really appreciated. We also add how we felt after that activity, savouring the experience a bit more.  It’s been such a positive influence on us. Even on the days that have been rough, we have often found something that we can be grateful for or something that is going well.  This points out that the day isn’t actually as bad as we thought it was. Gratitude is a way to become more mindful of the positive experiences in life, helping us to tip the balance from all the negativity our mind likes to soak up like a sponge.

Is Gratitude Really Worth It? 

I know there has been a ton of information on gratitude and gratitude journals but does this stuff really work? Even though our family has been practising this for years now, it wasn’t until this past year that I learned about all the research behind gratitude. There have actually have been many studies done on gratitude and its physical, psychological and social benefits.  Studies have shown that those who practice gratitude are physically healthier with lower blood pressure, better cholesterol profiles, fewer physical symptoms and better sleep quality. Researchers have even compared gratitude to focusing on random events in the day or the feelings of pride. They found that those that practice gratitude compared to the other two practices became happier and continued to grow happier even 5 weeks after the practice had concluded. Other research shows that people who practice gratitude are less stressed, have less depression, feel more satisfied with life and that these effects can be seen even in groups who have chronic illnesses. If you think gratitude practice will make you complaisant, think again! One study showed that college students who practiced gratitude worked harder at their goals and made 20% more progress towards achieving them.

How to Add Gratitude to Your Day

Practicing gratitude doesn’t have to be a big deal where you have to sit down and write 10 pages everyday… it should not become a chore because that defeats the purpose and is less likely to make it a habit.  In fact, a study by Dr. Lyubomirsky, a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of California, showed that people who wrote down five items in a gratitude journal once a week felt more gratitude than those who did the practice three times a week.  The idea is just to practice.  It can be anything from thinking of what you are grateful for or feeling appreciation while standing in line at the grocery store or waiting at a traffic light. You could keep a journal and create a bedtime routine of winding down to take a few minutes to reflect on what brings you gratitude each day.  Imagine thinking of your blessings before you fall asleep. What a great way to set the intention for the next morning!  Texting your ‘gratitude’, as we have done, may be a great way to connect with family and friends.  There is even an online journalling website called thnx4.org where you can practice gratitude journalling from your phone.

Gratitude and Kids

Gratitude is a great practice to teach kids from a young age. It helps them to realize how much effort went into a gift their grandparent gave and even how much work it is to teach a class.  It allows kids to focus on the intent and not the object. When my kids were younger, we developed a ritual of each child writing thank-you notes at the end of the year to all their teachers.  For each teacher, whether they liked their teacher or not, they had to think of something they really appreciated that the teacher did that year or taught them. It has lead to some great conversations about how much effort teachers put into their work and even how teachers have influenced their growth. I know this practice has changed their interactions with teachers through high school and even university.  Research by Giacomo Bono, PhD and assistant professor at California State University, has shown that as kids get older, the focus of their gratitude changes. His research found that gratitude in kids was linked to more social integration, wellbeing and less depression even four years later. Whether they were children, middle schoolers or high school students, practicing gratitude was associated with more wellbeing, optimism, less depression, and more satisfaction with life and school.  Students who practice gratitude were also more likely to help others and contribute to their community.

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A Gratitude Film

Many years ago, I was sent the clip to this youtube video on gratitude.

If you have not seen this short film by filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg on gratitude, it’s definitely a must-see.  I turn to it often, to remind me about what matters in life, especially when I’m having a particularly rough day.  It always turns my day around. ☺️

Remember that our bodies cannot be grateful and stressed at the same time. Gratitude practice really requires little effort but can have such a positive impact on life and that is something to be grateful for- don’t you agree? 🙏🏼

Know someone who could use a bit of stress relief?  Share this post and spread some joy! ☺️

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Disclaimer: The content in this blog is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog or on this website.